Surrender
God and I had a moment a few weeks ago, a point of surrender. Alone in my bedroom, with palms lifted and tears running down my cheeks, I was crying out to God, telling Him that I am done trying to figure things out. Current job, vocation, husband, boyfriend, future, church, serving, extra time...just about every aspect of life.
"You're blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule" (Matthew 5:3, The Message).
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV).
Since the summer I had been asking God for wisdom and just the next step while actively trying to investigate options for the future. I had felt Him saying just one thing, but I was ignoring His Spirit and desiring reassurance that this wasn't what He was really saying. I didn't want it to be true. Yet, this feeling never went away or changed, so with God's help, I accepted it to be true, and I acted upon it. I am terrible at making decisions, but eventually I was confident that this was what God desired, and I would so much rather be in His will than apart from it.
So now what?
I don't know, but what I do know is that I want to live each day fully (carpe diem!), taking delight in the work and people that are before me. I will trust in Him for daily joy, wisdom, strength, energy, and patience. I need continued strength for the current routine, and He is the source of it. Beyond that, I desire some sort of change, and I will wait expectantly. Maybe that will look like a change in where I live, what I do during the day, who I live with, or maybe just a change in my attitude and perspective. God knows, so I will seek and trust the Way above all else. I finally feel like I am at a place where if God asks me to move, I will, and if He asks me to stay, I can be content. This is my prayer at least.
I want to trust Him and Him alone. Not the security of a job or a well-marked path or a husband by my side. Él es basta para mi. He knows me better than myself, so I can trust Him. He is sovereign. He is faithful. He does not disappoint. His ways are not my ways nor are His thoughts my thoughts. So I declare, not my will but Yours, Lord.
"...yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength..." (Habakkuk 3:18-19, ESV).
The above verses are currently hanging on the kitchen chalkboard, reminding me that I can rejoice and have daily joy not based on current circumstances but on who God is and how He has saved me from death, destruction, and eternal separation from Him. That alone puts things into perspective and allows me to thank and praise Him. When things are hard, and I feel weak, He is my strength.
"You're blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule" (Matthew 5:3, The Message).
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV).
Since the summer I had been asking God for wisdom and just the next step while actively trying to investigate options for the future. I had felt Him saying just one thing, but I was ignoring His Spirit and desiring reassurance that this wasn't what He was really saying. I didn't want it to be true. Yet, this feeling never went away or changed, so with God's help, I accepted it to be true, and I acted upon it. I am terrible at making decisions, but eventually I was confident that this was what God desired, and I would so much rather be in His will than apart from it.
So now what?
I don't know, but what I do know is that I want to live each day fully (carpe diem!), taking delight in the work and people that are before me. I will trust in Him for daily joy, wisdom, strength, energy, and patience. I need continued strength for the current routine, and He is the source of it. Beyond that, I desire some sort of change, and I will wait expectantly. Maybe that will look like a change in where I live, what I do during the day, who I live with, or maybe just a change in my attitude and perspective. God knows, so I will seek and trust the Way above all else. I finally feel like I am at a place where if God asks me to move, I will, and if He asks me to stay, I can be content. This is my prayer at least.
I want to trust Him and Him alone. Not the security of a job or a well-marked path or a husband by my side. Él es basta para mi. He knows me better than myself, so I can trust Him. He is sovereign. He is faithful. He does not disappoint. His ways are not my ways nor are His thoughts my thoughts. So I declare, not my will but Yours, Lord.
"...yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength..." (Habakkuk 3:18-19, ESV).
The above verses are currently hanging on the kitchen chalkboard, reminding me that I can rejoice and have daily joy not based on current circumstances but on who God is and how He has saved me from death, destruction, and eternal separation from Him. That alone puts things into perspective and allows me to thank and praise Him. When things are hard, and I feel weak, He is my strength.
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