The Wilderness
This morning at church God gave me a picture of where I am right now. The wilderness. I was led out of slavery after my first year back in Texas, but I have not yet reached the Promised Land. The wilderness is better than slavery, but it is still really tough. It is full of wandering, doubting, questioning, and feeling lost. Needs are met, but I find reasons to complain, just like the Israelites did. I am trying not to lose my gratitude for the manna. The path is often flooded with tears that come unexpectedly. I very am fragile. I wonder what is wrong with me.
And yet, in the wilderness, God is enough for me, and I am trying to trust only Him. He is my comforter, and He embraces me. He continues to encourage me and remind me how I am oh so loved, not because of anything that I have achieved or accomplished but because of Jesus's sacrifice on that splintery cross and His victory over sin and death three days later.
Deciding to take this class at DBU has been a step. I don't know what the destination is, and I don't see that any financial gains could come from having this degree, but as friends have told me, you can't steer a ship that isn't moving. I was very much disappointed when I received the bill for this one class. I asked God if I had heard Him incorrectly. Was this not a step I should be taking? Was I rushing things? Is DBU not the spot? What about DTS? Southwestern?
My uncle just called and told me that he has some money saved that must be used for educational purposes. He and my aunt have over-saved, and they would like to help pay for tuition and books for graduate school.* I couldn't hold back the tears any longer as we continued to talk. My uncle even said that it's ok if down the road, I decide this isn't for me. How kind and freeing is that--to be reminded that mistakes are ok and part of the journey sometimes! Accepting help is hard for me. All I could say was thank you, thank you so much.
Lord, am I pleasing You? Am I really on the right path? Should I pursue this degree at DBU? Lord, please make things clear. Thank you so very much for people in my life who love me and care about me. Soli Deo gloria.
*My dad probably can help but hasn't offered. I shouldn't expect him to, but it just reminds me how we are called to stand in the gap for others. My aunt and uncle are continuing to love me and provide for me when my own dad hasn't. Give and receive. Receive and give. This is the rhythm. I am standing in the gap for others as others stand in the gap for me.
And yet, in the wilderness, God is enough for me, and I am trying to trust only Him. He is my comforter, and He embraces me. He continues to encourage me and remind me how I am oh so loved, not because of anything that I have achieved or accomplished but because of Jesus's sacrifice on that splintery cross and His victory over sin and death three days later.
Deciding to take this class at DBU has been a step. I don't know what the destination is, and I don't see that any financial gains could come from having this degree, but as friends have told me, you can't steer a ship that isn't moving. I was very much disappointed when I received the bill for this one class. I asked God if I had heard Him incorrectly. Was this not a step I should be taking? Was I rushing things? Is DBU not the spot? What about DTS? Southwestern?
My uncle just called and told me that he has some money saved that must be used for educational purposes. He and my aunt have over-saved, and they would like to help pay for tuition and books for graduate school.* I couldn't hold back the tears any longer as we continued to talk. My uncle even said that it's ok if down the road, I decide this isn't for me. How kind and freeing is that--to be reminded that mistakes are ok and part of the journey sometimes! Accepting help is hard for me. All I could say was thank you, thank you so much.
Lord, am I pleasing You? Am I really on the right path? Should I pursue this degree at DBU? Lord, please make things clear. Thank you so very much for people in my life who love me and care about me. Soli Deo gloria.
*My dad probably can help but hasn't offered. I shouldn't expect him to, but it just reminds me how we are called to stand in the gap for others. My aunt and uncle are continuing to love me and provide for me when my own dad hasn't. Give and receive. Receive and give. This is the rhythm. I am standing in the gap for others as others stand in the gap for me.
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