Limping Along
I just can't "get it together." I have cried three times in four days. I want to "feel better," but instead I just feel like I am limping along, progressing and regressing, swinging between highs and lows. Should I be worried? Am I depressed? What is wrong with me? Is this still part of the grieving process? Am I still grieving Guatemala, or is it something else?
I don't know what next steps may be. I don't have a plan, but I like having one! I have moments of joy and laughter and full life, but when I take a step back, I don't see that to be a rhythm. Is this the adjustment to adulthood? Is this due to loneliness? I want to make things better, but I don't know how. Instead of trying to fix things, do I just need to accept the way life is right now? But I'm just not convinced that this is the abundant life that Jesus offers.
I want to find my "life's work" and commit myself to this. Is this ahead, and I need to wait for it and enjoy the current process of preparation? Or is it right now, and I need a better attitude and perspective? Serving today at church was stressful and joyless, and I know I wasn't serving with a cheerful heart. I'm not excited about another week at school. Am I bored? Am I just not being gracious? Forgive me, Lord. Please give me grace. Lift my face from self-pity to You. I believe; help my unbelief. I trust; help my desire for control.
Let us correct the error by thinking of ourselves as standing by the bank of a full flowing river; then let us think of that river as being none else but God Himself. We glance to our left and see the river coming full out of our past; we look to the right and see it flowing on into our future. But we see also that it is flowing through our present. And in our today it is the same as it was in our yesterday, not less than, nor different from, but the very same river, one unbroken continuum, undiminished, active and strong as it moves sovereignly into our tomorrow.
Lord, You have been faithful in the past. Thank You that I can trust wholly in You, because You are unchanging in a world that is constantly changing. You live in me, so there can be consistency when I allow You to rule. Tome Tu lugar, Señor. I surrender all to You.
I don't know what next steps may be. I don't have a plan, but I like having one! I have moments of joy and laughter and full life, but when I take a step back, I don't see that to be a rhythm. Is this the adjustment to adulthood? Is this due to loneliness? I want to make things better, but I don't know how. Instead of trying to fix things, do I just need to accept the way life is right now? But I'm just not convinced that this is the abundant life that Jesus offers.
I want to find my "life's work" and commit myself to this. Is this ahead, and I need to wait for it and enjoy the current process of preparation? Or is it right now, and I need a better attitude and perspective? Serving today at church was stressful and joyless, and I know I wasn't serving with a cheerful heart. I'm not excited about another week at school. Am I bored? Am I just not being gracious? Forgive me, Lord. Please give me grace. Lift my face from self-pity to You. I believe; help my unbelief. I trust; help my desire for control.
Let us correct the error by thinking of ourselves as standing by the bank of a full flowing river; then let us think of that river as being none else but God Himself. We glance to our left and see the river coming full out of our past; we look to the right and see it flowing on into our future. But we see also that it is flowing through our present. And in our today it is the same as it was in our yesterday, not less than, nor different from, but the very same river, one unbroken continuum, undiminished, active and strong as it moves sovereignly into our tomorrow.
(Tozer, God's Pursuit of Man)
Lord, You have been faithful in the past. Thank You that I can trust wholly in You, because You are unchanging in a world that is constantly changing. You live in me, so there can be consistency when I allow You to rule. Tome Tu lugar, Señor. I surrender all to You.
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